After a couple of false dawns I’m finally putting digits to keyboard and kicking off my first blog. What momentous event has caused this to happen I hear you cry (well, in my head). The answer is none, but there was a royal wedding yesterday. Now it will come as no surprise to anyone who knows the author to discover that this piece will be somewhat disparaging. Having said that I wish it to be known that I’m not really a royal basher, in fact I generally stand for the National Anthem, but I’m not a great fan of weddings. In fact, that fed up little girl on the balcony at Buck House could easily have been me – if I was 45 years younger, female, and extremely well connected, Sadly (sadly?) none of those things apply…
Anyway, before I harp on about yesterday, I feel inclined to back 30 years to the pageant that was C&D. On that day the menfolk of Merseyside and West Lancs were fortunate to have an outlet other than a 26” in the corner of the living room. Lancashire played Middlesex at Birkdale’s Trafalgar Road Ground near Southport and a bunch of us decided that was best way to enjoy the day off. It was a glorious day weather-wise, Clive Lloyd was swinging his bat (91 scored in that first innings), and the beer tent was in full swing. The only thing, if I recall rightly, that slowed the drinking down was the fact that the place was packed as never before – I doubt they’d seen a bigger crowd before or since.
Anyway, as had been previously agreed, my darling at the time (still my darling today) drove into Southport to meet up and we decided to eat out that evening. This meant that I had to phone my mother to let her know that I would not be dining at home that evening. These were, of course, no mobiles (well not for plebs like us), no “chatting” “tweeting” or texting. It was about finding a red phone box (that worked) and spending 10p. A box was found and the call initiated – that’s when the alcohol started to kick in. Whilst speaking to my dear mother a fit of the giggles inexorably overtook me. This spread to my darling also with the effect that no talking was taking place (although the core objective of the conversation had been achieved by that point). There was nothing else for it than to put the phone down and end the call.
The rest of the evening went ahead and we had a nice time in Southport then headed back to mine. As we entered the house my dear mother was waiting just inside the front door. She asked my darling to wait at the door, and me to remove my specs. She then stood on the first step of the stairs, turned and whacked me about the head. “Don’t you ever do that to me again” she said (or something like that). It wasn’t the first time she’d whacked me (not by a long chalk) but was possibly the last (although there’s still plenty of time). Anyway, that was my royal wedding memory from 30 years ago…
Anyway yesterday’s gig. First things first - I didn’t see much of the events live but did watch the highlights. The bit I did see live was early in the day. It was 8:30 and there was an orderly queue (this is Britain after all) of posh looking people waiting to get in. It was then that the “commentator” said that this particular bunch didn’t actually have reserved seats they picked seats when they got in. So then I thought “this is a bit like general admission to a gig” which prompted a number of other thoughts – is there any standing space? Will there be any crowd surfing? Will the place be full of bouncers with earpieces? Do they have VIP backstage pass action? I have to say I didn’t see anyone standing (at least not all the way through) or surfing but clearly there were bouncers although they were of the “very posh but I can disarm and kill you with my bare hands” variety rather than the “shaven headed, tattoo covered, and I train with lots of weights but still eat too many pies” variety. No backstage passes but quite a few VIP front stage ones…
So what else of the venue? Well all in all I’m glad I didn’t have a ticket myself. Firstly, nearly everyone was sat sideways to the “stage”. Whose daft idea was that? Secondly, the vast majority of the “audience” had obstructed view seats – if it wasn’t for the trees (very cool by the way) then you had the choir screen blocking everything. Unbelievable. To cap all of that I couldn’t see a Jumbotron anywhere to give the obstructed bods some decent coverage… The whole thing was a bit weird. I’ve been to a few grounds in my time and some of the older ones (e.g. Goodison Park) do very little for customer comfort and a decent view but this was poor. There again it is one of the oldest grounds in the country (over 900 years old?). The saving grace, I guess, was that the tickets were all freebies (notwithstanding the groom’s family contributions). It was also quite pleasing to see Becks there but no Lineker. Not that I was happy for DB, it’s just that Lineker clearly wanted to go and wasn’t asked. Sniff!
So what happened at our place? Simple, my darling wife asked a load of female company round for some 42” HD action (awesome). This was my cue to depart so at about 9am I high-tailed it to the countryside and wandered along a canal bank all day. Lovely sunshine, peace, and no grief suffered from any wisecracks thrown at the TV from me (which would have been many and doubtless become quickly tedious). I’d say that was a good result all round. I got home later that afternoon (about 3:45) in time to see the happy couple drive off in a glorious Aston Martin (seriously jealous) which I assume was the alternative to them being winched off the roof of Buck House by a search & rescue chopper (no royal upskirt action then).
Needless to say, my arrival back is the pin which bursts the oestrogen fuelled bubble of the day and the “ladies” melt away fairly quickly. That leaves my dearest ladies to fill me in on the day’s action which largely consists of them telling me what drivel has been said by the respective grandmothers (bouquets of snowdrops? in April?). One interesting thing I did hear on the radio on the way back was the sales of programmes (more gig related activity) for charity. These things only cost £2 so I had to have a foray on ebay to see what they are selling for. The highest priced one (actually bid on) was £127. Nice work if you can get it.
